The Lord knows my heart

And so it begins.. 

I'M GOING BACK TO RWANDA! 

My heart is beside its self right now, I can't even contain my joy!

It's funny how things work out. I've been praying and praying about the opportunity to go back, 

and really felt like I was not going to go back at all this summer. 

But knowing how big our God is and how he likes to surprise me, just when I start doubting God shows up and is like.. "Why do you ever doubt me?" 

So here I am completely shocked and in awe of how great my God is not even knowing what to say, but knowing that HE ALWAYS PROVIDES A WAY,

ALWAYS. 

Man, I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling right at this moment. 

Besides being amazed, shocked and at loss for words. 

I can not wait to see those sweet faces, feel there hands in mine and look into there big eyes and see God shining right through them. 

Oh my heart be still... 

On my page I will have a place where you can donate but more importantly please, please be praying! These sweet children just need to know the love of God, and I pray that I can show them just an ounce of that love. 

Only you know Lord

"You can do more in my waiting than I could ever do in my doing."

So, I wait Lord.

I wait, because I know you can do more in those children's life's than anything I could ever do.

I wait, because I trust in you.

Trust that your timing is better than mine.

Your timing is always perfect. 

"My heart's discouraged, so I come to you expecting."

So, I come to you Lord.  

I come, expecting you have good things in store. 

Knowing everything of you is good. 

I come to you a weary heart, knowing you are strong.

I need you to lift me up. 

I come knowing you are what I need. 

You say your good to those who wait. 

So I wait. 

You know exactly what I need. 

You know exactly what these kids need. 

I give everything to you Lord. 

Living with more faith than fear. 

So I've been thinking..

So I haven't blogged in a while, and it's because I've been on this tangent of being discouraged.
I have been trying to figure this whole "going back" to Rwanda business and it just hasn't seemed like its coming together.

Here are some of my thoughts...

Why did God place this passion inside of me for these children? If I was just going to give up.
That is not what God has for me.
I can not give up.
Those children need Christ, they need HOPE.

Source: thinknice.com via JHClagg on Pinterest

See, God keeps whispering to me, to have faith, and find my strength in Him and He will work all things out for good.
While the whole world is shouting No, my God is saying YES! Just follow me, and I will bring Hope, I will bring restoration, joy and peace where it is not found.

So, I'm going to keep going. And I know the road ahead of me is discouraging, and looks narrow... But my God is bigger, and stronger.
I've put a donation box on my page, where if you feel led to you can donate to my fund of trying to get back this summer. But if nothing else, you can pray. Pray for these children, pray for strength, and most of all pray that God's will be done in their lives.


Thank you,
Carol


Living with more faith than fear.

Warrior Children...

Can you hear the prayer of the children, on bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room?Empty eyes with no more tears to cry, turning heavenward toward the light.Crying," Jesus, help me to see the morning light of one more day,but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take."Can you feel the hearts of the children aching for home, for something of their very own.Reaching hands with nothing to hold onto but hope for a better day, a better day.Crying," Jesus, help me to feel the love again in my own land,but if unknown roads lead away from home, give me loving arms, away from harm."
Can you hear the voice of the children softly pleading for silence in their shattered world?Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate, blood of the innocent on their hands.Crying," Jesus, help me to feel the sun again upon my face?For when darkness clears, I know you're near,bringing peace again."

The Prayer of the Children 

I've been thinking a lot lately about this one little girl

I fee like when I looked in her eyes, 

you could feel the pain and hurt she was feeling. 

She just looked at you, and would never come near. 

You could tell she was scared, she felt alone, and she was neglected.

Everytime I see this picture it makes me want to fight even more.  

These children deserve, 

the morning light of one more day, 

 to feel loved in there own home,

HOPE, for a better day,

loving arms to hold them, away from harm, 

to feel sun again on there faces. 

I was reading my bible the other day, and stumbled on this verse:

Psalms 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
   the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one's youth

These children, are like ARROWS IN THE HAND OF A WARRIOR.

God has created them to be warriors, and fight. 

These children are, strong, and courageous. 

They are in the hands of The Warrior, our King. 

I'm ready to fight with my Warrior and those children for there voice to be heard. 

that's why I'm living with more faith than fear. 

In you

In you,

the orphan finds mercy. Hosea  14:3

In you,

 they are children of God. 1 John 3:2 

In you, 

they have hope.  1 Corinthians  15:19

In you, 

they can rejoice.  Romans  5:2

In you, 

they have life. John 4:13

In you, 

they can have faith.  Hebrews 11:1

In you, 

they have strength. Ephesians 6:10

In you, 

they are forgiven. James 5:15

In you, 

they can forgive. Matthew 6:12

In you, 

they have a love they can call there own. Song of Solomon 2:16

I will not leave you nor forsake you, I will come to you. John 14:18

faith bigger than fear. 

My Sweet Ordeartha

my sweet precious daughter,

I hope you know your a child of the highest Kingdom. 

I hope as your waking up, and lying your head to sleep you feel safe in my arms. 

I hope that you never forget about those dreams you keep to yourself...

I also hope you share them with the world. 

I hope you chase after your dreams, and never let anyone tell you "You Can't".

I hope you know I'll love you more than your mother and father were supposed to love you. 

I hope you know that my love is:

UNENDING

AND

UNFAILING

I hope you know I did not want you to feel: hurt, betrayed and alone. 

But I hope you feel: joy, peace and comfort.

I hope you know my love surrounds you every second of every day. 

I hope you know that I your heavenly father, have BIG dreams for you. 

I hope you know that I'm thinking of you.

I hope you know that I love you. 

I hope you know I have more hope for you than anyone in the world. 

I hope you know that I created you to be exactly who you are, and that it's perfect. 

I hope you hold your head up high and walk with confidence knowing you have:

Hope.

Have faith bigger than fear Ordeartha.

Hakuna Matata?

It means no worries, for the rest of your days. 

Lion King.. we all know of coarse one of the great Disney classics

but today while I watched it among, yes other grown adults, 

I watched it from a different point of view. 

I thought about all those beautiful children and all the worries of their days. 

What am I going to eat today?

Will I eat today?

What am I going to do with my life?

Can I have an education?

Will I ever be loved?

Will I ever love?

What is the purpose of my life?

Worries, that yes we worry about in the States as well...

but when your these children.. these questions...these are questions of survival. 

Then I wonder about the verse Matthew 6:25

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious abut your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"

I know these children are anxious about  every second, of every day. 

But there is a God who is watching over them every second, of every day.

They worry about what tomorrow   brings. 

But God has seen tomorrow and has taken care of what  He will bring.

He says "Hakuna Matata" 

Do not worry my child for the rest of your precious days.

Faith bigger than fear

Broken heart for broken children...

Recently I've been reading a book by Heidi Baker called Always Enough. Heidi Baker is one inspirational lady who lived in Mozambique, Africa and has started an orphanage. And done much, much, more. I was reading last night and just thinking about how awesome it is that she is just living there loving those children. 

Let me just explain what I was reading.. and you will understand how I'm feeling. 

Heidi was talking about she was walking around the streets, and on her way to the market when she see's a little girl laying on the street.

In my head I automatically start to think

about all the beautiful children

I saw    

In Rwanda. 

She continues to talk about how she went up to this little girl, to see if she would talk. 

The little girl was abused, abandoned and diseased. 

Heidi didn't care. 

I didn't care about what the kids

were diseased with

they needed love

I was going to give it. 

Heidi say's the little girl was terrified and wouldn't talk.

Heidi held her, and took her to the orphanage. 

She said that the first night the little girl was so scared that she couldn't sleep.

Heidi held her till she fell asleep. 

Heidi got scabies and lice from that little girl

she didn't mind, because the next day that girl felt loved and began to talk. 

When I read this one paragraph in this book

my heart began to ache.

I thought about the  dozen kids I held

 that I could have got lice and scabies from

but none of that mattered when

you see their faces

light up.

I thought especially about one little girl... 

She was one girl in the orphanage that didn't 

run to grab your hand

or sit on your lap

play with your hair

and want to be held. 

She was terrified and didn't talk.

But when I saw her, all I wanted her to know was that she was loved.

So I held her.

Until she fell asleep.

These kids are broken

They are beaten

They are diseased

and unwanted. 

But they are also loved, wanted, desired, pure, whole and a child of God in the highest Kingdom. 

my heart is broken for these kids...

but that's why my faith is bigger than my fear.

Thinking..too much..

As I've been sitting and doing basically nothing this whole Christmas break I've had alot of time to think.. and that's probably an understatement. 

Let me just ramble on for a bit about the one thing that cross's my mind on a normal day...

THESE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. 

Most of the time when I'm thinking about them i get

frustrated

and

confused

But then I remember the God I serve and how good He is to us. I know that God is going to take care of those beautiful children, I know that they are being watched over the most high King. I just wonder sometimes why I can not do more, more to help them and take them out of the situation they are in. There is literally, I don't think an hour in my day that I do not think about Rwanda, and what I can do to get back there and help. Whether I'm reminded by the tattoo on my foot or the Africa shaped ornament hanging in my car, I think about them and pray. I know, deep down in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to be doing something in Rwanda. God has put such a strong passion inside of me to be there and for those beautiful people. So when I start thinking about that I get,

excited

and

hopeful

I don't know why God would pick a little ol' girl like me to do such a big thing in His kingdom, but I'm sure glad He did and that I get to spend time and see the smile's on those children's faces.

I miss those children everyday.

I pray for those children everyday.

I love thinking about going back and being able to hold there hands again.

I love thinking about going back and playing patty-cake again. 

I love thinking about going back and hearing the song "Baby" sung  by there sweet voices. 

I love those children. 

They have stolen my heart. 

I will  do whatever I can for them. 

That's why I know God gave me faith bigger than my fear.  

And it begins...

I've been deciding if I should start a blog, and today I came to a conclusion after reading another friends blog that I should! I've been wanting to start one ever since I've been home from Rwanda...
which has been the longest 5 months of my life. I want this blog to be about the beautiful children I met in Gisenyi, Rwanda and the lasting impact they have had on my life.

Let me give you a little background.. 

When I was 12 years old I felt the Lord put the country of Rwanda on my heart. I had no idea why, and I had no clue that 8 years later this is where I would be, but it is also greater than I could ever imagine. Through out the years, I would rent every book possible about Rwanda and sit and read them all and continue to pray and ask God what this was about. Mission's was on my heart, but I kind of put it on the back burner not knowing what God wanted.

When I got to my first year of college and

 got connected with an awesome church,

 God began to reveal things to me about

 what I was going to be doing in Rwanda,

 and began to reunite my heart with  that passion

.

I'll give ya a little shorter version from here on out... 

I found some amazing people who were going to be taking a trip to Rwanda summer of 2011. And I took a leap of faith and joined. And from then on out I realized my calling. I spent 2 weeks (which is no where near enough time) loving and holding some of God's precious children in an orphanage of about 600 children... this orphanage is called Noel. And this place has been on my heart ever since I got back.. and will continue to be for the rest of my life. 

I don't know when I will be going back. Hopefully soon. 

I don't know what God fully has in store for me. But I know it's something great. 

I don't know how one girl is going to accomplish all of it. But I know my God will give me the strength

Those children deserve someone loving them.. 

They deserve to know the love of Christ..

They need someone. 

They need Christ. 

I want to be God's vessel in Rwanda. 

This is why I know God gave me faith bigger than my fear.